Stuck In My Head

Today I began, yet again, to think about the fact that I haven’t written anything more than a grocery list since back before Christmas.  At first I chalked it up to being busy over the holidays, which we were, with the usual running from family to family and county to county.  We were busy despite my vow to get organized and have all the presents wrapped and ready before Christmas so we could slow down a little.  And I did achieve it.  I spent the weeks before the holidays getting everything done but somehow it still seemed that Christmas blew past us with no time to really pause.  Matter of fact Gabby’s birthday, Valentine’s day and now Tori’s birthday seem to be breezing past us too.

In some way I think it might have to do with the winter weather, or lack of it.  Last year the ice slowed us down even if we didn’t want it to.  It might not have been on Christmas day but we had at least a day or so when we just couldn’t get out and we had to make do at home.  I usually like winter, at least for a bit and then like everyone else I’m pining for spring.  This year there was no real snow to add any contrast to the slightly faded landscape.  For me a good snow can help me remember that everything around me is still beautiful and perhaps only asleep.  Seems that the only contrast we’ve had of late is a layer of mud that's getting slung here and there.

All that grey surrounding us partnered with the politics on news and the usual holiday family stresses has had me wishing for a day warm enough to walk outside barefoot, that would let me stand with my back to the sun and let the heat work out the tension.  It’s enough to make me wish for a house on the beach…I suppose logically politics and family worries would follow me there.  At least it would be warm though!

It’s funny I never was one to follow politics.  With Dennis and I both having jobs that are connected loosely to state funding and privy to being swayed by the political climate of the time I haven’t been able to get away from it.  However removed I am from Frankfort and Washington I can’t “not” keep up with it.  Changes to bills and laws and budget cuts, insurance or lack of it, party lines in the sand, may start at the top but they trickle down to not just those people over me but eventually to those I’m close to.  Normally I would have tried to write the worries out of my system but I’ve been stuck in my head of late.  And it doesn’t help that I managed to kill our home computer by cleaning it.  Suppose I should have known that it was running partly due to a layer of dust!

When I get worried about stuff I tend to revert into myself for awhile.  I guess I’m mulling it over but nothing seems to be getting any clearer here lately.  I’d like to bury my head to everything going on around me because it feels like the world at large is taking a huge chunk of my personal life.  I guess that’s taking the easy way out though.  It can sure get tiresome trying to do what you think is right.  It can get even more tiresome when you yourself aren’t sure what’s right anymore.

I guess you’re all wondering if I have a point with this whole tangent?  In all honesty I don’t think so.  I'm not going to attempt to offer any answers.  The older I get the more I realize I don't know.  I think I just needed to vent, to clear my head for a bit.  I guess what I wanted to say is that I sure could do with a temp over 70 degrees or maybe I could use a little less upheaval in government, a little less subliminal campaigning and maybe a few more days when people remember that despite what party you support, when it all gets down to it, there are people involved on every side of every issue.  Then again maybe I don’t really even need that sun, maybe I need a day when the snow will fall quietly around all of us, stilling us, hushing our voices and making us slow down long enough to remember why we’re here.  Sun or snow I wish all of you a peaceful weekend.